It all happened as painfully as falling asleep
First, when the trees became silent.
The birds lost their song when you lost your will.
Then, when the earth became grey.
The soil dried out as the fire died in your eyes.
And then, when the wind fell slack.
The air turned stagnant as your skeleton grew motionless.
When the oceans stilled.
The waves were unmoving as your mind fell, lifeless.
As you sit there, sinking, pondering,
Wondering how the rock around your ankle became so heavy
You see yourself walk up to him, make a charming quip and bat your eyelashes, and then
you see it all.
You let him pay every time, even though you insisted it was your turn.
You should have insisted more.
You laugh at his jokes and when you’re down, you cry for him to rescue you
And when you’re not, you insist you’re not the type to be rescued.
You let him yell at you, even though you’d yell right back at anyone else.
But you were wrong that time, weren’t you?
You keep sinking, keep pondering.
You bat your eyelashes and cry for him
You take his help when it comes, and you’re better for it.
Aren’t you?
Sinking and pondering.
You wanted him to see you, to choose you.
You saw him, you smiled at him.
You bat your eyelashes and cried for him.
You asked for him, for his attention.
You opened the door and invited him in.
You didn’t hear the clanging of the knives he hid behind his back.
Sinking, still sinking.
He made you so happy, he was so good for you, wasn’t he?
He took the pain away, took everything away,
Until there was nothing left and suddenly you realize the pain was him.
Pondering, wondering.
You invited him in.
You smiled and you bat your eyelashes for his love.
Didn’t you want it?
Didn’t you want it?
Didn’t you want this?
Your soul, she cried for him.
Begged for his love to fix her broken pieces, but he just stepped around them, sometimes on them.
Your soul, she was on fire for him, because of him.
And without him she sank, extinguishing the whole world, the whole world.
She sank because now,
Darkness was the universe, and she was her mother.
And you the poor child who watched as she committed matricide.
Sinking, sunken.