She didn’t remember how she reached her apartment building, and she didn’t remember how she arrived at her apartment door. She only knew that when she looked down, her keys were in her hands, and when she looked up she saw her crooked door and smelled the vague remnants of her candles through the cracks. Numb to everything but the cold feel of the handle, she unlocked her door and walked in, the world seeming to move terribly slowly, as though she were underwater.
She dropped her keys in the bowl by the door, barely hearing the clink they made. Then she dropped everything. Purse, papers, resolve. She slipped out of her shoes and walked over to the couch, where she sat cross-legged and heavy-hearted. She blinked slowly, as though when her eyes were closed nothing could matter outside that darkness. She turned on the TV, to some daytime show where they inserted a laugh track after a character tells a mediocre joke. It was something about penguins. And New York. Or maybe Sydney. An English man was talking to his friend, telling her about a job, or a woman, somehow it is unclear. He was comparing his situation to that of a penguin who was found in a big city. The comparison made no sense. She was staring right through the screen, another scene playing in her mind over the one playing on TV. The thoughts in her head mingled with the voices on the screen. “You have no idea how much it hurts to talk to you about simple things”, the TV shouted. “It was a baby penguin, right”, it continued. She turned her head and looked out the window, watching the light dim and the world get darker. “It’s like you can’t even hear yourself when you talk to me, you can’t hear how mean you are, for no reason at all!”, the screen yelled. She looked down. “You don’t understand, I’m telling you it’s the same thing alright, emotions can span across species”. She brought one of her knees up to her chest, then laid her head back on the couch, breathing deep. “How can you say that? You have always had such a disrespectful tone when you speak to me, so condescending. Who do you think you are?”. She blinked, looking to the left where the mirror hung. She stared into her reflection. “Why are you being like this?”, it cried. “What, you think you’re the only person in the world with shit to do? With a life, with problems?”. “I mean, really they’re quite a fascinating animal, oddly similar to us, you know?”. She looked back at the TV. “What more do you want from me? I don’t understand!”. Her eyes felt worn out and heavy. “But the penguins were” – “How could you say that to me!” – “Did you know they mate for life” – “You can’t even look at me because you know you fu-“
She turned the TV off, staring into the silence.